Why Do Men Hate Funny Women
Now, I haven't dated in a while (being married slows you down), but back in my dating days — when a meet cute could be arranged without a right swipe — I was the funny woman. Quips, wit, sarcasm, jokes were my break-the-ice MO. Come to think of it, my dating book was as empty as our collective wallets after the DeMo drive and the wait for the follow-up call was just as long as the lines. What may explain the date drought is the fact — that I didn't know then — is that "women want men who can make them laugh, and men want women who they can make laugh."
A CONDITIONED RESPONSE
'Balderdash' is how life coach and relationship expert Aditi Mirchandani would categorise the 'men don't like funny women' stereotype. "Traditionally, humour is not something women were necessarily valued for in society. This reflected in the relationship realm. Men were conditioned with 'hassi toh phassi' and many women were conditioned with 'you must laugh at his jokes'," she says. But millennials are changing the rules.
The role of humour has increased in the dating world. "With fast-paced stress-filled lives, couples today see the value of sitting down at the end of the day and laughing with their mate. It makes for exciting and fun-filled partnerships," she adds. Writer Anuja Chauhan says, "Bantering, humour, kidding-back-and-forth is a lovely dynamic. In a romantic situation, an intelligent man will quickly get bored if a beautiful woman just simpers."
Even relationship researchers concur. US-based relationship expert John Gottman found when humour plays a role in diffusing tension and conflict, marriages last longer. Additional studies show that people who joke with their spouses in everyday situations tend to be happy in their marriage.
PLIGHT OF FUNNY WOMEN
Humour in women though is grossly underrated, under-represented and under-researched. A German study found that when male and female strangers engaged in natural conversation, the degree to which a woman laughed while talking to a man was indicative of her interest in dating him. How much the woman laughed also predicted the man's desire to date her. On the flip side, how often a man laughed was unrelated to his interest in a woman.
In a contentious Christopher Hitchens' Vanity Fair article titled "Why Women aren't funny?", American author Fran Lebowitz said: "The cultural values [for humour] are male; for a woman to say a man is funny is the equivalent of a man saying that a woman is pretty. Also, humour is largely aggressive and pre-emptive, and what's more male than that?"
Comedienne Neeti Palta agrees. For a successful show, she knows that she needs to be the alpha in the room. But even after years in comedy, the first feedback she gets are about looks, clothes, being bold, and finally, funny. "Funny women do tend to get friendzoned a lot more." Palta adds that a lot of humour is about laughing at the women more than with them: "Tun Tun, desperate girlfriends, comedy shows where men cross dress all come to mind," she says.
A 2015 study found that women whose partners have a great sense of humour also have more orgasms (Source: Psychology Today). If a man can make a woman laugh, it adds to his sense of self.
Writer Yashodhara Lal mentions reading a phrase somewhere: "she was well-versed at the art of acting helpless when there are helpful people around". That jolted her out of playing the "female card" in life. "If you're acting helpless and playing games, you're hiding many of your best qualities including your awesome sense of humour," she says.
LAUGH LINES
Writer Samah Visaria notes that a majority of women today don't hide their personalities for the sake of the male ego. "Take a concept like arranged marriage – one of the reasons and opportunities where 'women were taught by their mothers, that they become threatening to men if they appear too bright'. Arranged marriage, which still exists in all its glory, is constantly being reinvented. Men and women today are settling for people of their parents' choice but on their own terms," she says.
Lal advises: "Ladies, if you are funny, just be funny, even if 80 per cent of the men don't 'get it'. Be yourself." After all, have you heard the one about a funny woman who checked herself at all times to land Mr Right? Well, she married the joke and the punchline sucked.
Tinder India released a survey confirming the above-mentioned fact, that too on the eve of Valentine's Day 2017 – what buzzkills! The survey of 15,000 app users found that women looked for a sense of humour and men valued appearance over everything else. Now, this is not a funny story but in defence of the funny women.
Some men may need pretty, demure women, who will hang onto either their arms or their words. In this scenario, sadly, girls could feel a need to 'dumb down. —Jane De Suza, author
Source: https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/love-sex/do-men-not-like-funny-women/articleshow/59576128.cms
0 Response to "Why Do Men Hate Funny Women"
Post a Comment